I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
