is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
