i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that's an acceptable place to lick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
