Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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