You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Are my feet made of real feet?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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