so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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