sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
