I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
