When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
