He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
