oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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