Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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