you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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