I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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