we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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