how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
