just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think your dad took our porno
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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