Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
