Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
