I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
