theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
