Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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