pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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