I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
