is wine microwaveable?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
