I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
