So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
