yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
