I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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