I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
