I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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