I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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