I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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