He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
