and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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