All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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