Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
