My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
