I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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