Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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