Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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