I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
