I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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