i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Shame - the story of my life.
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