I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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