I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
