As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
