I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had sex on a roof
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
