The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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