Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
